I am not going to lie....life is pretty depressing right now! I love that I have friends to keep me sane during this time, but I have come to realize life is not life without Derek. I miss that man more then ever and even though I get to talk to him on the phone every night it just isn't the same. You know my one fear in having a child is that Derek and I will not be Derek and I any more. It will be Derek, I, and a baby. Which I know will be ok once it happens and we will love this baby more then all of the free time we had, but we have had 4 years of free time and I will be the first to say I have become a very selfish girl when it comes to my husband. You know 4 years without a child is much longer then most LDS couple have together. I often would worry that we were doing something wrong or what are people thinking of us because we had not had a child yet. Now that we are having a child I am so grateful and feel so blessed that i had 4 years to get to know my husband and that we could become best friends! I love him...Love Him....LOVE HIM... and I just can't wait to have him back home with me. Last year we were apart for 7 weeks which seemed like forever. Well if he would have only been gone 7 weeks this year he would be getting home this week. Not this year though. This year he will be gone 16 weeks so we aren't even half way through! I just have to stay busy and keep my mind on other things and everything will hopefully go by very quickly! Like I said before i an so grateful for the friends we have here to invite me over and take care of me, but I just want my husband back.
Also among all of this depression from not having Derek around I am finally starting to feel sick. No food sounds good, I hate eating, I have not thrown up yet but I feel terrible. Welcome first trimester it only took you 10 weeks to get here and hopefully in a few weeks you will leave! I also think it has something to do with it being over 100 degrees everyday. I could seriously live off of fruit smoothies right now! All I have to say is first trimester it is good to see you, but you better leave by week 14!
2 comments:
Oh man I'm sending you a hug. The one thing I regret is the small effort we made towards going away just the two of us. I realize now how easy it would hvae been because as a baby, the child doesn't even know. Now it's more complicated. But nuture your relationship because you will miss him even when you're in the same room. BUT, you two will be fine - you've built a wonderful foundation and this baby is so lucky. Sickness... I'm sorry, it just plain sucks!
I know Derek feels the same way. Hopefully, you will start feeling better soon. Hugs to you. I hope June goes fast!
Post a Comment